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  • Writer's pictureJames Chau

The Real Motivations for Divorce

Updated: Oct 17, 2022

An article I read today cites some very interesting psychology behind why divorce occurs. The scientists in the article use experiments with rats to determine that when life gets stressful, one partner can scapegoat the other partner as the cause of the stress.

The “scapegoating instinct” as the real reason for divorce according to the article. Often times, when we feel stress in our lives, we take it out on our spouse. Scapegoating is a defense mechanism in the brain that allows us to project our anxious feelings onto others. If the anxious feelings are relieved, it allows the animal to hunt and continue on with their basic functions without the psychological baggage weighing them down.

The scape goating, lends the spouses to think that the grass maybe greener with another spouse and that the early feelings of chemistry were incorrect. The scape goating also leads the spouse to want a flight or flee instinct to remove themselves from the situation.

A scapegoat refers to an innocent person who is blamed for the suffering others. When we criticize our spouses, we tend to believe we are pointing out impartial faults. People with a higher level of anxiety are more likely to overreact and will have a greater tendency to fight-or-flee, which may lead to a down point in the marriage. Letting go of daydreams of the perfect spouse will allow your marriage a better chance at success.

When a spouse does not recognize the anxiety is the reason for these feelings, the baggage will be carried into the second relationship. The second marriage and subsequent marriage has a high rate of divorce. The insight into the psychology of a married person can help to accept your spouse and yourself as you are.

If there are any legal questions you may have, I encourage you to, please contact my San Jose Divorce Lawyers office. My San Jose Family Lawyer offices assists many people who are going through family law related issues. We have many Affordable San Jose Divorce Lawyer solutions for many different budgets. We help many individuals through this very chaotic period in their life. Proudly serving the following cities, Fremont, Milpitas, Los Gatos, Cupertino, Mountain View, and Santa Clara.

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